Okay, confession time. The fridge chart that I’d hoped would keep me on track with personal devotional times was an utter flop. For the first week, I had some success. After that, the rows of unchecked boxes stared back at me, blank and accusing. Every time I went near the fridge, I was reminded of my daily failures. Not long thereafter, we had company over and I was so embarrassed by my obvious lack of commitment that I hid the chart away. Hmmph. So much for perseverance!
God knew that the quicksand of a lukewarm spiritual life was sucking at my ankles. Thankfully, He wasn’t about to let me go under. I suspect the Holy Spirit gave me the thought that perhaps I could try a read-the-Bible-in-a-year program. I Googled the idea and connected with a neat website that lets me choose from 24 start dates and five different reading plans (26 languages available too!). Grasping at anything to get me on solid ground, I decided to give it a go, even though I wasn’t sure I could succeed at something so scheduled.
I consider this a minor miracle because I have never read God’s Word like this before. Incredibly, I’m eager for it every day. It’s not a chore. It’s not something I have to do; rather, it’s something I almost crave. Some days, I don’t manage to find the time to read, but so far I’ve always caught up quickly. On school days, I try to do it right after I get home from dropping the kids off. It sets my attitude for the day. And what a difference that has made! God is more real, more present in my hour-to-hour functioning. I feel greater peace because I trust His inherent goodness. “Jesus loves me, this I know” because I read about it and am reminded every day!
Having said that, Julie’s September 16 post brought up a vital point that I still need to address. She made a comment about formerly having had time to read, pray and journal. Though it’s a happy thing that I’ve been given a renewed zest for God’s Word, I cannot deny that my prayer life still lacks dedication and depth. So my new musings go something like this:
- As a busy mom, if I devote a portion of my day to Bible reading, how do I also fit in dedicated prayer?
- Can conversing with God be turned into multi-tasking prayer? Is it okay for all of my prayer time to occur while I’m washing dishes or doing laundry? Or do I need to be more singularly focused on my Creator?
- If I need to carve out more time for focused two-way communication, where am I to find those minutes? I can’t think of what else to cut out of my day . . . I can’t choose to pray instead of making supper (though that sounds kind of appealing!).
I feel like I’m on a seesaw. Balance is elusive. Will I ever get this right?