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Posted by
The Buggs on
Jul 6, 2010
Gentlemen, not cavemen
Anita and I want to raise our boys to be respectful, polite, empathetic, honourable gentlemen – and there’s a saying I made up for whenever the boys are not acting appropriately: “Boys, we are gentlemen, NOT cavemen.” This little saying works perfectly with the Kids of Integrity lesson we’re currently working on – Respect.
Now, boys will be boys (which often means fooling around), but we want our sons to learn skills that will serve them well as they grow to be men – and, hopefully, husbands and fathers. For example, I grew up with three sisters and learned from an early age the importance of treating women with respect. So now we’re teaching our boys to do little things like holding doors open and letting women go first. Sadly, these days small gestures of respect like this are all too often forgotten or labelled as old-fashioned.
As part of our Kids of Integrity lesson, we’ve drafted up a list of rules we call “Family Respect Rules.” We had the boys offer different ideas about what respect is, tweaked the list and now we review it at each dinner time. Over time, I think this should be helpful in remembering what and who we are supposed to become.
Our son is 18, and though for the most part he's got the manners down pat, we still see the occasional slip-up with his sisters (where was KOI when we were training him up?!!?) . Definitely going to use this three-word reminder- "gentlemen, not cavemen"! Much more effective than a speech about courtesy!
Tracy...
Yes, I'm looking forward to the day when our boys turn into the gigantic all-food-consuming 18 year old guy you have to see if what we're teaching them now will follow them through their lives. Good luck on the grocery bill. :)
Thanks for sharing, and the examples. It is so nice to hear that the act of being a gentlemen is not lost. I insist on that in my home also. I am a single christian mom raising a 4 year old son. Would you and your wife post and share your family rules? I think that it would be great place to start for my family and maybe others as well.? As you go along in the lessons can you post more "rules" as they come up? It is a wonderful way to model behaviour when the rules are clear, and a great way to have postivite peer (family) pressure in the home to support, and reinforce and to be "caught in the act" of following the rules Thanks!!!!!!
Hi Lorri,
Yes, I can post the 'rules' for you as we keep rolling along. Keep in mind these are rules that a 10 and 5 year old have come up with. :) Yes, it's important to be able to model positive behaviour and try to be a good role model - regardless of our situation. Keep strong as you journey with your kids...
Dear Anonymous--
I sure appreciated your list of family values. It reminded me that we have been meaning to write up a Family Mission Statement for a long time now but haven't got around to it. I even have an empty frame on the wall next to our Marriage Covenant just waiting to display exactly what we stand for.
You've given us a well-timed kick in the pants to get going on that important job. If we want our kids to learn how to be a lighthouse for God's kingdom, we have to make the way clear.
Thanks! Krista
I'm with you all the way. I'm glad it's summer- my youngest boy has most of the courtesy things pretty well learned for a boy of 6. Part time kindergarten has meant coming along with me and learning to hold the door for me and others, bag groceries and be careful when in high 'traffic' zones in the aisles. This summer is a chance for his big brother to brush up on these things.
We do have a family set of values up in the living room, listing the many things we want our family name to stand for: eg. work hard & cheerfully, choose to be third, do everything in love, take time to pray. Hopefully having in a visual spot means we look and pay attention often.