The Kids of Integrity Challenge is finished!

Rich kid, poor kid

Rich kid, poor kid

Rob and I had a feeling our results for the “Rich Man – Poor Man” exercise might be atypical for two reasons: our kids don’t get a lot of screen time (no TV at all, occasional videos and computer time), and do get a lot more parent/family time than most.

When we outlined the “rules” for this exercise, the resulting squealing made our kitchen sound like a pig barn! The kids saw it as a total win-win situation. Being both rich and poor was going to be a hoot! Two solid hours of F-U-N!

To accentuate the difference between the haves and have-nots (and to make the “rich kid” feel more alone), we chose to have the rest of the family on an entirely different level of the house.

A good variety of treats was offered, but when it was their turn to be rich, both kids just wanted a handful of jelly beans and mini marshmallows! Go figure. I would have capitalized on that offer w-a-a-a-y more when I was a kid!

Jess was the “rich kid” first. She chose to spend her whole hour watching Shrek down in the rumpus room with her treats and a stuffie for company.

Rob and I hung out with “poor” Ben in the living room playing “20 Questions” (no toys or books allowed). He also wanted to play more of the “Contentedness Challenge” from earlier this lesson. Rob and I decided to spend the last 10 minutes affirming our son by talking about character traits that we were proud of (e.g., “We love the way you look out for younger kids and make sure they stay safe.” “We appreciate how diligent you are in school and like the strong sense of responsibility you show.”) Despite that, he seemed a tad bored and was eager for the hour to be over.

When it was his turn to be the “rich kid,” Ben chose computer time and spent the hour playing math games. He was so engrossed, he didn’t even finish all his marshmallows!

Our computer is on the main floor, so we went back to the rumpus room with Jessica. Her first activity choice was no surprise. “LET’S WRESTLE!” she crowed. It was Mommy and Jess against Daddy. Funny how a five year old managed to “pin” a very fit adult man, but when I tried my best, I didn’t stand a chance! (Maybe because I was laughing too hard?) We also played a bit of the “Contentedness Challenge” and affirmed our girl as well.

After everything was said and done, the final verdicts rolled in. Both kids preferred being “rich” because the screen time was such a treat. Jess didn’t mind being by herself at all, but Ben admitted, “It felt different being alone on the main floor.”

When asked how they would feel about being “rich” for a whole day, Jessica’s eyes shone. “That’d be GREAT! That would be SO much FUN!” Ben hesitated. “I don’t think I’d like to be alone that long.”

I’d still call that one more solid layer on the “contentedness piñata.”

Credit cards, contentment and burned down houses

Credit cards, contentment and burned down houses

Recently, Rob and the kids came down with some kind of nasty cough and fever bug. So on Saturday, we decided to do “church at home” the following morning. I was wiped from being up with crazy coughers all week, so I slept in. When I did manage to crawl out of bed, Rob was scribbling furiously at the kitchen table with his Bible open beside him. My curiosity was piqued.

When “church time” rolled around, we discovered that he had been paraphrasing verses so five-year-old Jess could actually do the readings all by herself. She was thrilled! It made her feel very grown up and involved. So, as listed in “Gifts from God” in the Bible Stories section, she read 1 Timothy 6: 6-10, 17-18.

We ended up having a fabulous discussion about credit cards and overspending. Our kids love real-life examples, so I told them about a woman I used to know who got herself into a lot of hot water because of her love of clothes and the fact that she wasn’t content with what she had. We linked that with the idea that if we don’t have the money for something, maybe we shouldn’t buy it. It would be better to hold off until we saved enough or perhaps decide we don’t need the item after all. Ben and Jess nodded emphatically.

Then we talked about folks who think that fat bank accounts or lots of possessions will make them happy. We piggybacked on the story of Solomon (“Who or What Owns Your Heart?”) and how his foreign wives and great wealth pulled him away from God. The kids were impressed that he finally figured out that NOTHING is as valuable as a right relationship with the Lord and an attitude of contentment.

To drive home the point about things being insignificant in the big picture, we asked Ben and Jess how they would feel if our house and garage burned down that night. What if we escaped the fire with nothing but our pajamas? Their eyes went wide at the thought and we could hear the wheels whirring in their little heads. “Nothing?” “Yep. Not a thing. All your toys, books, stuffies, clothes . . . everything would be gone.”

The idea stung, but slowly they realized that our family, friends and neighbours would probably pull together to provide us with essentials: food and clothing. And God will always be with us. Our quote from The Contentedness Challenge came back loud and clear: “If I have food and clothing and God, I can be content.”

It feels like this lesson is wrapping our hearts in layers – kind of like “contentedness piñatas” with the treasure inside! Rather than enormous AHA! moments, God is gently forming a substantial understanding of personal satisfaction by using thin, silky coatings – building one on top of the other for durability. Keep those layers coming!

The Contentedness Challenge

The Contentedness Challenge

CAUTION: It is advisable to sit down in cushioned surroundings while playing this game. There is a strong possibility you may fall over when you hear some of your children’s questions and answers.

When we chose this game (from the Practical Suggestions) as an activity that might lead to good discussion, we had no idea what an understatement that would be.  The rules are basic. When asked, “Can you be content without ______?” just answer honestly and then say, “If I have food and clothing, I can be content with that.” We also qualified that our answers were based on being content on our own strength. (With God, all our answers should be yes!)

Jessica almost turned herself inside out begging to be the first one to ask a question. I had no idea what she was thinking. Here’s what she said: “Ben, could you be content without God?” Three jaws dropped. Ben sputtered. “Of course not! If I have food and clothing, I can be content with that.” That’s when we realized the second part of the response was inadequate. We changed it to, “If I have food, clothing and God . . .”

Ben asked me if I could be content without a fridge and freezer. My mind raced as I thought of the hassle of trying to keep food from spoiling from April to October. Honestly, I had to answer, “No, not unless we moved to a very different culture.”

I asked Jess if she could be content without her stuffies (her very favourite toys). After contemplating that proposition for a moment, her reply was carefully measured, “Yes, I think I could be.” Whoa! I believed her, but that’s not what I expected!

“Daddy, could you be content without sunshine or being able to go outdoors?” “No.”

“Benjamin, could you be content without any paper or books?” “No.”

“Jessica, could you be content without any sweet things to eat at all?” “No.”

“Mommy, could you be content without your kids?” In a microsecond I tried to imagine life without them. “No.”

“Everybody, could you be content with only one change of clothes?” Our mini fashion queen was the only one who answered no. I said yes because I was thinking how simple laundry would be!

“Daddy, could you be content without coffee and chocolate?” Ooooh . . . that one hit a nerve. “NO!”

Ben asked all of us, “Could you be content living in a hut?” I inquired about whether the hut could be heated in the winter. Upon receiving an affirmative reply, we all hesitantly answered yes. Now that would be an adjustment!

“Daddy, could you be content without a vehicle?” “Yes.”

“Ben and Jess, could you be content with just one present each next Christmas?” Silence. They looked at each other. Finally replies inched out of their mouths, “Yeah, I suppose I could.”

And they meant it. I immediately had visions of a blessedly simple Christmas season. One gift each. No frantic shopping and wrapping sprees. Just lots of family time . . . a soft blanket of contentedness wrapped around us.

Decorating our home with godly character

Decorating our home with godly character

Well, the kids had a hoot sewing their mittens and deciding which character trait fit with which fleece. They’re quite proud of their handiwork, and rightfully so.

If you’re also working on the Christmas lesson, let me offer a few housekeeping comments so maybe you can learn from our mistakes!

• If you’ve traced the mittens, cut the pen part off in the cuff area or it will show when you roll them back (the cuff seam shows, but we don’t mind).
• At the same time, don’t make the cuffs too narrow (it’s hard to turn them right-side out if you do!)
• It’s hard to sew with a child on your lap because their head is right in front of yours (and very small children might be tempted to reach toward that sharp needle!). We decided each kid could help with a few mittens, and I would zip along on the rest by myself. Jess and Ben were perfectly happy with the compromise, but still got a good feel for helping guide the fabric. They showed great respect for that fast, sharp needle.

Now our mittens are done and slowly making their way up on the line. If we’d had more time, we could’ve painted our own cute clothespins, but as it was, I found fun ones at our dollar store. Cheap and quick! We just used a blue ribbon for our “clothesline.”

I hung the mittens just for the picture, but then they all went in a basket so the kids could “earn” them. It is so much fun to see how thrilled they are to win each one. And it’s a really good exercise for Rob and me to specifically look for and reward godly character traits. Gives us lots of openings to review past lessons.

The other great thing about this project is the “publicity” it gets when we have visitors. Just so folks didn’t think we made them purely for decoration, I made little character trait name tags and pinned them on to each corresponding mitten. This has prompted some great conversations with believers and non-believers alike. We’ve had such enthusiastic responses. Who knew these mittens would become a fantastic witnessing tool? I’ll be so eager to have them out each year.

The questions for discussion listed in the lesson made for an interesting dinner conversation one night, especially the one asking which fruits of the Spirit we see in friends and family members. We had the kids specifically identify individuals for each attribute. My heart was warmed when Rob’s name came up a few times (the connections were so accurate!) and I was also delighted when Cousin Katie was listed as the most kind and loving in the family. What a role model for her younger relatives!

So we’ll get back to working on Contentedness in January. Meanwhile, from our home to yours, we wish you laughter in the chaos, peace amidst the hectic pace and love that surrounds you completely. You are treasured by us, but even more so by our precious Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Merry Christmas!

Christmas character mittens

Christmas character mittens

While we’re having a blast doing the Contentedness lesson (especially at this time of year), we also didn’t want to miss out on the new Christmas lesson that was just posted. So we’re taking a wee break to do the mittens and the “review” that goes with them. We’ll head back to Contentedness in the new year.

I was highly amused at Ben’s reaction when I explained the sewing activity that accompanied the Christmas lesson. Never did I expect my boy to dance down the hallway squealing with delight at the thought of making mittens! He was SO excited to work with the fleece and decide which mitts represented which character trait.

We started out by choosing the attributes we really wanted to highlight this Christmas. I suggested we limit it to nine traits so we wouldn’t be sewing for weeks! (We can always add more next year.) Our selections came from both the fruits of the Spirit and any of the KOI lessons, whether we had done those particular lessons or not. Here’s what we came up with:

• Contentedness
• Generosity
• Faithfulness
• Joy
• Kindness
• Love
• Peace
• Self-control
• Patience

I pilfered fleece from my mom’s sewing room to expand our own stash but also checked out a couple fabric stores. One place did minimum 10 cm cuts but the other would sell no less than 20 cm. Had I bought fleece on sale, I would have paid about $1.00 - $1.50 per piece. If you live in a larger area, you might have access to a re-use or recycle centre where you can pick up fabric scraps for cheap or even free. Does anyone have any other ideas for getting your hands on small pieces of fleece? Feel free to leave a comment!

Our next task was to each choose our three favourites. That was quick, fun and easy. Then came the part where Mommy wasn’t organized enough. It would’ve been nice to have had a simple mitten pattern included in the lesson. I ended up loosely tracing Jessica’s hand and then fattening the thumb so it wouldn’t get too skinny once sewn. We also made the cuff longer than normal so the finished product could be folded back. I added a 1/4” seam allowance all around and then cut our “pattern” out of a cereal box. After that it was simple to trace onto the fabric using a permanent marker.

The kids had a bit of difficulty cutting two layers at once if the fleece was thick, so I explained how to flip the pattern over when tracing individual layers so we would end up with the correct side of the cloth on the outside of the mitt. With two of the patterned materials, we also wanted to get specific parts of the “picture” centred on the back of the mitt so it would be clearly visible and fairly even on both mittens. It took quite a bit longer than I thought.

We’ll do the sewing another day and while we’re working on that, we’ll assign a character trait to each pair. Hopefully I won’t be too engrossed, so we can actually have a “re-cap discussion” about the various attributes and how we, as a family, might live them out for Jesus this Christmas season.

Celebrating Christ-like character at Christmas

Celebrating Christ-like character at Christmas

There’s no doubt, this time of year can be busy, busy, busy! If you’re looking for simple ways to keep your children focused on the right priorities, here’s a special message from the creator of Kids of Integrity, along with a brief NEW lesson she put together specifically for Christmas.

A Christmas lesson from Laurel

Each year as we look through our boxes of Christmas decorations once again, the homemade ones remain our favourites. There are glitter-covered egg-carton flowers, beaded stars and clay gingerbread men. The ones that stand out, however, are a set of 20 fleece mini-mittens. We made these multi-coloured mitts to help us remember to decorate our home with Christ-like character during the holiday season.

As the boys cut fabric and sewed, they decided which fabric represented each different character trait. The pink ones, for example, were for gentleness and the yellow ones for joy.

When the mittens were ready, each pair was placed in a basket on the kitchen table. When we noticed family members being considerate, patient, respectful, generous or obedient, etc., we hung the corresponding mittens on a “clothesline” in our dining nook. I don't remember if all the mittens were hanging by Christmas Day or not, but the project did keep us focused on sharing God's grace within our home and with others during the busy month of December.

Ten years have passed and still I am reminded of how much we need the Holy Spirit to fill our home and our hearts with peace, love and joy. There are daily scuffles in the kitchen over who is taking too much space, arguing about chores and less than kind words spoken. As discouraging as this can be, there are glimmers of hope. Last week our older son let his brother borrow his new fedora to wear to a school event. And just yesterday the younger one did extra work without being asked. This makes me smile and think, Maybe I should get those mittens out and start hanging them up again as a sweet reminder of the beauty of seeing Jesus in us.

To create your own set of Christ-like character decorations, you could make paper or cloth mittens, cut out star shapes or use candy canes. Decorate and label them based on the Kids of Integrity lessons your family has completed, or with the character traits you want to highlight for the month of December. 

Here are some discussion questions and relevant Scriptures to kick off your celebration of your “Christ-like character Christmas.”

Relevant Scripture

Romans 5:2b-5: “And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.”

Galatians 5:22-23: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” 

James 3:17: “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”

Questions for discussion

1. Which Christmas decorations are your favourites? Why are these your favourites?
2. Why do we decorate our house at Christmastime?
3. Who do you like to spend time with during the holidays?
4. Why do you enjoy spending time with this person?
5. Out of the list of godly character traits mentioned in Galatians 5:22-23 [see the memory verse above], which ones do you see in the lives of your friends or family members?
6. What usually causes fights or arguments in our house?
7. How can we decorate our lives with Christ-like character instead?
8. How does God pour His love into us?

Speak a blessing

• You are making it a Merry Christmas when you ________. (Name the action that is God honouring.)
• What a beautiful way you decorated our home, ________! (Name the family member and what they did.)
• I just love it when we are kind to each other. (Or replace the italicized phrase with any positive interaction.)
• Jesus is honoured when He sees our family full of _______. (Name a Christ-like action.)
• Our home is such a happy place when we decorate it with ________. (Name a positive character trait.)
• Patience in me, patience in you, helps others see God’s love shining through. (Name any character trait you wish in the rhyme.)
• Jesus in me, Jesus in you, means that ________ will be here, too. (List an observed godly character trait.)

Key concepts

Just as Christmas decorations make our homes beautiful, so our lives can be attractive when they are “decorated” with godly character traits such as kindness, compassion, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, contentment and respect for others.

Unfortunately, the stress and the materialistic bent of the holiday season can influence us to be impatient, rude or selfish. We can worry about ourselves, what gifts we will get and how much fun we will have with friends and relatives.

Jesus gives us a completely opposite orientation to the holiday season. Christ's love in our hearts causes us to think about those who are less fortunate and what we can give them. It means we become less obsessed with making ourselves happy and more interested in what we can do to make Christmas special for others.

When we ask the Holy Spirit to be a part of our day, we will be less likely to be irritable and more inclined to be patient, slower to respond selfishly, and more ready to make personal sacrifices. Celebrating Jesus’ love in us, and finding ways we can share it, is a wonderful way for our family to focus on honouring Him throughout the holidays.

Snarled spaghetti, special gifts and letting go

Snarled spaghetti, special gifts and letting go

Ben and Jess couldn’t quite figure out what was going on at dinner the other day when Rob and I put a glop of spaghetti on each of their plates but removed their forks and put the sauce out of reach. We told them they had a job to do before they could eat: untangle all the noodles without breaking them. With the grins of children who have just been told to play with their food, they dove into their assignment with gusto.

As per the Kids’ Corner instructions, we read the story of the rich, young ruler as our offspring prudently picked away at their pasta. At first, the meaning of the parable went over Jess’s head, but I think she got it in the end. Ben understood every nuance: Once we’re tangled in worldly things, it’s awfully hard to get untangled! And the MORE we have (i.e. the bigger the ball of spaghetti), the harder it is to separate from it.

It was an amusing, memorable exercise. (As a side note, we didn’t rinse our pasta after it was cooked. That made the job a little more challenging.)

* * *

As God’s perfect timing would have it, Jessica brought home a book from school that led to a great teachable moment. It was the story of a boy who is envious of the seemingly perfect life of one of his classmates. His idol, Tommy, is popular, athletic, charismatic, artistic and owns a really cool bike. Later in the narrative, though, we discover that Tommy’s seemingly unblemished life is marred by the fact that he struggles to read. It was a lovely tale with a clear message that everyone has their own special gifts and we should use them in service to each other.

The book sparked a great conversation with Jessica about her own talents and abilities, and those of her classmates. She fairly quickly came to the conclusion that she is happy with who she is and what she can do. I was thrilled to hear it!

* * *

Just the other day, we tackled the Practical Suggestion called “Closet Clean-Up.” We chose to weed through the kids’ closets, toy and bookshelves. Just over a year ago, we did the same thing for the Generosity lesson, so the concept wasn’t entirely new.

Benjamin is learning to let go of whole sets of things even if there’s one book or toy in a series that he might still be tempted to hang on to. After I explained why someone else might appreciate receiving a complete collection, he was able to offer them up willingly.

Likewise, with a bit of coaching, Jessica was able to part with a pile of books on the condition that we “read them just one more time before they go.” She was very proud to give a stack of early reader books to her former kindergarten teacher at school.

It’s all good stuff. The lesson is hitting its mark!

Walk the talk

Walk the talk

The same night I wrote our first Contentedness post, I went to bed with a nagging thought in the back of my head: “Hypocrite.” The words I wrote in my last blog post may have made me sound like a cheery, perfectly-thrilled-with-everything kinda gal. But with a little honest self-analysis, I am possibly more of a discontented mama than a contented one.

How ironic that God had me reading about Israel’s wanderings in the desert right as we started this lesson. I have always been disgusted with their grumbling and complaining, their quick forgetting of His astonishing provision. “What imbeciles!” I cry. “How could they be so whiny when they had His presence right in front of them with the guiding cloud and the pillar of fire? He was RIGHT THERE! He SPOKE to them!”

Then I’m reminded of my own whining. I thought I was happy with our house, but in hindsight, I do complain about small bedrooms and the back entry being not much larger than a postage stamp. I nag the kids to get ready faster, to eat more neatly, to be quieter, to pick up after themselves. And you should see that “complain-o-meter” skyrocket when anything gets misplaced! Most commonly, I moan about how I don’t have enough time to do everything I need and want to do. Poor, poor me.

I am Israel.

I am not one stitch better than the first generation of God’s chosen people. Though I have centuries of examples and mistakes to learn from, I am guilty of the same sins they were. I, too, forget that I am constantly in His presence. I fail to recall that He speaks to me throughout each and every day. How quickly my amnesia kicks in concerning the miracles He has performed for me and for loved ones . . . oh, the multitude of prayers answered! I neglect to revel in the joy of knowing that I am one of the most blessed people on the planet.

All this contemplation leaves me with some uneasy questions: What are my children learning from me? Am I teaching them to be “glass half empty” kids? Do I complain more than I express contentment?

Wouldn’t it be amazing if we were all content with what we had? If we were happy to pare down to the bare bones of loving Jesus and making Him our true priority? Eager to simplify our lives rather than add to the clutter and busyness? No more flyers. No more wandering the shopping mall. Far fewer bills.

That is what I want not only for myself but for Benjamin and Jessica as well. I want them to be able to crave God rather than the things of this world. God is better than a new yo-yo. God is more desirable than another stuffie. That means God has to be more important than getting through my to-do list.

Time to walk the talk, Mama.

The "A-OK as is" lesson

The "A-OK as is" lesson

A few months ago, I was selling an item online and the woman who came to pick it up had a great personalized license plate on her car: AOKASIS (A-OK as is). The kids were curious and asked me what it meant. I explained the term “A-OK” and suggested that the lady is happy with her life the way it is. That statement really made an impact on them. When we began the lesson on Contentedness and asked if they understood what the term meant, Benjamin immediately piped up, “Yeah! It’s like that lady’s license plate!” God bless her! I’m sure she had no idea she was nicely setting up our character training.

Rob and I started the discussion by talking about the things many people are dissatisfied with. We explained to the kids that plenty of individuals (in North America especially) are unhappy with their talents and abilities – always wanting to be better or more like someone else. We talked about the fashion industry and how a pair of designer jeans might cost a lot of money, but folks still buy them because they want to wear that label and are not content with something “ordinary.” Billion dollar cosmetics, hair and plastic surgery industries were also explained under the heading appearances.

When we got to the topic of possessions, Jessica immediately suggested that some kids may not be content with the books and toys they have. (Ironically, she is sometimes one of them!) That thought was developed as we talked about the assets many adults are unhappy with: house, car, job, bank account, etc.

Truly, the discussion left the kids a bit wide-eyed. They’re not used to much talk about dissatisfaction. Rob and I try to make it a point to celebrate each of our strengths and spiritual giftings. I find great items in second-hand stores, and we delight in getting good deals. We frequently thank God for our cozy (smallish) home in a well-established (older) neighbourhood. We’re grateful for Daddy’s steady job (as challenging as it is sometimes!) and we value our dependable 10-year-old car.

The final point in our Contentedness introduction was this: people who compare themselves to those who have bigger/better/more will often become unhappy with how little they have. But people who are sensitive to the needs of the less fortunate will often find themselves ever so thankful for all they have.

Our memory verse is plucked from the middle of Hebrews 13:5 – “ . . . be satisfied with what you have. The Lord has promised that He will not leave us . . .” (CEV).

If we have Jesus, we have EVERYTHING! Now let’s see if we can really live that out every day. Hmmm . . . that means I have to be satisfied with the number of hours in my day. I’m happy with our house, but I sure could use some extra time to get a few more things off my list . . . 

To Halloween or not to Halloween?

To Halloween or not to Halloween?

Fall. What is it about this time of year that is so special? Maybe it’s the beautifully changing leaves, the crisp air or the return of cozy sweaters and footie pajamas for our little ones. Personally, I love the pumpkins. In fact, right now we have a trio of pumpkins sitting in our garage, just begging to be carved (or scribbled on with a marker by my two year old!). This week also has my mind on that familiar fall holiday, Halloween. How could I ignore it, considering most stores are brimming with costumes, candy, spiders and spooky decor? 

When my niece and nephew were in daycare, I remember my sister telling me about a dilemma she faced regarding Halloween. She has some concerns about the holiday’s origins, as well as its emphasis on all things creepy. And since her church was hosting an alternative “Fall Fun Night” on October 31, she hadn’t even considered buying costumes for her kids. But when her children’s daycare sent home a note reminding the parents that they would be having a Halloween costume parade, she was worried that her kids would feel left out or self-conscious being the only ones without a costume. At the time, I wasn’t a parent, so I had never considered how I would handle this holiday myself. Now that I have a two year old who would undoubtedly love dressing up (as a princess, I’m sure), collecting candy and hanging out with other kids, I’m not sure how to handle the holiday myself.

I’m curious to know what you, our Kids of Integrity parents, think about this holiday. What do you tell your children about Halloween? Do you believe it’s harmless fun or something to be avoided? Does your church create any kind of alternative for Halloween night, such as a fall festival or harvest celebration? Will you be dressing your children up or allowing them to trick-or-treat?

How ever you and your family decide to handle this holiday, I hope you’re enjoying the fall (and maybe some yummy pumpkin treats!).